Being a new mum to a nearly 6-month-old, it is the most amazing and rewarding thing I have ever done. Some days I still can’t believe he is mine. But I feel like my life has been turned upside down. My priorities and views on life are completely different, my goals have been delayed and my new struggles means I can’t do as much I would like to do in a day. Sometimes I feel selfish wanting some of my old life back but have realised that I need to give myself a break, my goals will take longer to obtain, and my day-to-day life isn’t going to be as productive as I would like. Unfortunately, with this new life it also brings new baggage. I already suffered from anxiety, that has heightened, I have also gained postnatal depression, iron deficiency, sleep deprivation and body dysmorphia.
I also have high expectations on myself and want to have lost weight, be studying and have a perfectly clean house. I am always way too tired for this. Most importantly I want to do everything possible to help Quen’s development and given him the best possible life, so this is where my energy goes each day.
With my mental health not being as great as I would like, the isolation makes it even more of a struggle. Some days I only ever see my partner (as lovely as he is) and don’t get the social release that is sometimes needed. When taking time with friends or even taking a nap or doing self-care, the mum guilt is there, and it is REAL. These are some of the things needed to help with your mental health, and my partner is perfectly capable of looking after our son while I do so, but I often find myself thinking of him and feeling I should be with him.
There are so many opinions out there, not always helpful. When I talk to friends, many of them struggle mentally with a new child. With my own experiences and knowledge I have gained I want to discuss this and make it known that many of the feelings are completely normal and its okay to not be perfect!